Today makes it one whole year around since you left us.
I still have a very clear momery on uncle christophers call. " we have a serious problem in the family, Neh went to South Africa and died" If I didn't know my brother, I would have thought it was one of his drunken spells. He spoke in clear English! I Knew it will not be a joke! On that day I was driving to the immigration. I remember screaming down the street and telling myself I cannot pass out. I finally found my way to the immigation after driving and passing the place I knew so well for about 30mins without recognising it. When I entered the building, the officer looked at me, took my receipt and wrote on it to come back whenever possible.
I left from there and couldn't remember my way home. i couldn't let Jude come pick me up because I couldn't recollect enough to tell him where I was. I got lost for about one hour, I stopped at a gas station and screamed at the top of my voice, maybe that is waht I needed! Then I remembered I had a GPS in my car. Thank you! to that, I found my way home.
What tears me to pieces is the fact that you went without anyone trying to help! I wish! I wish! Oh how are wish!
Today I still re-live that scene in my head as if it was Yesterday. My heart hurts!
I was hoping and still hope time will heal it, but I wonder how! because today I hate South Africa, I prefer not to talk about anything concerning South Africa. I don't know if I will ever feel different, but that is how I feel right now. Meaning, I don't know how long it will take to heal
I love you